So, I'm on a popular online dating site last night and the following conversation ensued that I just have to put down in the chronicles. Yes, boys and girls, this really happened.....
His name is: Koolblue1
Koolblue1: How are you?
I like your profile and picture. You have a nice smile ;)
I am a handsome guy in the Chester County area. I am looking for a nonserious relationship at this point possibly a longer term friend with benefits type of relationship.
I have brown hair, blue eyes and have a great sense of humor. I am respectful and will attach a picture on this e-mail
Me: I am doing well. You say you are in the chester county area? Can you be more specific?
Koolblue1: Good to hear back from you.
I am in Honey Brook--about 13 miles west of Downingtown. I used to live in Downingtown before moving here.
Are you in the town or outside of d-town?(And, he attached his picture on this one. He's not that handsome as he claims, but ok)
Me: I have no idea if I am "in town" or not. I've only been living here for a year. I'm off the 30 and Wallace.
What's your name?
Koolblue1: Oh ok, I know where that is.
My name is Dave.
How are you?
As my e-mail stated, I am looking for a casual friend with benefits type of relationship.
Are you Interested?(Oh how I love that name! NOT!!)
Koolblue1: Hey Ginny
Did you receive my last e-mail?
(It was at this point I knew I was dealing with a creep. So, I thought I'd have a little fun with this.)
Me: Am I interested?
I could be if a) we have chemistry and b) I know a little bit more about you.
Are you married/separated/divorced?
Koolblue1: Sounds good.
I am divorced but have a girlfriend although she lives over an hour away and I don't see her very often.
(OH HELL NO!!!! HE DIDN'T!!!)
Me: I am divorced.
Where do you stand with your long distance relationship. Does she come first?
Koolblue1: At this point yes. I see her when I can.
Have you ever done the friends with benefitstype of deal?
Me: Would she know about me?
Koolblue1: Absolutely not...This is our secret.
What are your thoughts?
Just a few more things about me.
I am college educated and have a job in Marketing. I am catholic and am a nice respectable guy.
I like sports, music, and I own a home.
Would you like to give this a try?
Me: Ok Dave. Lemme get this straight. What you are offering is sex with you, and in return I would get to play seconds to a woman some distance away who you are being dishonest with. I would have the pleasure of her scraps.
Seems to me like your right hand should be your best friend. Alternatively, have you considered a prostitute? At the very least, counseling.
Maybe you can find a woman with low self esteem to sign on to this fantastic deal you are offering. I deserve better. So does every other woman. And, your long distance girlfriend deserves better. What kind of person are you? This speaks volumes of your character.