Sunday, May 13, 2012


Well, Gary turned out to be a bit of a psycho.  He called me about 15 times a day.  We went out on Monday.  He called me Monday night on his way home.  Tuesday morning he texted me before work.  He proceeded to call me off and on no less than 15 times that day.  Same thing Wed.  We were supposed to go out for Thurs and he suddenly changed.  We were on, then we were off, on, off, on, off.  So, after a bunch of exchanged texts, I finally said let's reschedule.  I went out with my bff and he called and left 3 voice mails.  Then, poof, he was gone.  Haven't heard from him since.  His story was a bit suspect since he claims to be the CFO of this property management estate, he said that one of the apartments had flooded and the tenant had no renter's insurance.  So, he went to check out the damage himself thursday morning.  He claimed that he had to meet with the flood insurance adjuster at 7pm thurday night.  My bff from college just happens to be a flood adjuster and I told her the whole story detail by detail and she assured me that she had never met with a CFO.  She just happened to be at a FEMA conf at the time! 

So, the matchmaker fixed me up with a different Mark.  This Mark is only 40 years old.  We talked a couple of times over the phone and he seemed like a nice man.  So, we met for dinner at a Tapas Bar.  I have never been so bored in my life.  All he could talk about was sports.  I told him repeatedly that I don't follow organized sports.  He went on and on.  I finally shrugged my shoulder.  Then, he started talking about stadiums.  Again, clueless.  I told him I knew about the SuperDome in New Orleans due to Hurricane Katrina.  He looked astounded.  lol.  I now know that the Minnesota Vikings are building a billion dollar stadium.  I have no idea if this is basketball, football, hockey, or whatever.  And, do not write to me informing me.  I don't want to take up memory in the hard drive with this useless knowledge.  lol  Outside of sports, he could not hold a conversation.

He had never eaten an oyster, so we ordered a single oyster for him to try.  He says he likes mussels but didn't like the oyster enough to order them.  Then, because it's tapas we ordered 3 small plates to share.  This concept was lost on him.  One of the dishes was a shrimp concoction in some sort of tomato sauce.  He put the shrimp on his plate and then picked it up with his fork to eat it and opened his mouth real wide.  I said, "Honey, don't eat the tail."  But, that wasn't even the moment that made me say OH NO HE DIDN'T.

When the bill came, he hovered over it.  He took his card out and held it in his hand for at least 10 mins with the bill in front of his chest.  He was playing with the card.  He was flipping it this way and that and kinda peeking down at the bill every few seconds or so.  I finally said, "I think you are going to have to put that in the little flap and lay it to the side.  They are not going to come get it as long as you are holding it."  He informed me that he had paid a bill before.  I shrugged and said that I didn't know if he thought we had to go up front and pay like you do at a diner or whatever, the server takes it for you. 

So, the check comes back.  The bill was $36.84.  How do I know this piece of information you might ask?  Bear in mind that I have been to this restaurant no less than a dozen times and $36.84 is not unreasonable there.  He asked me to calculate the tip!!!!  OH NO HE DIDN'T!!!  OMFG!!!!  He didn't!!!  Yes, he did.  I brought up the tip calculator app and handed him my iPhone.  This is when he told me that he doesn't have a smartphone or any access to the internet at all.  WOW.

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