The man who went to Burma

After the complete disaster of crybaby Mike, the matchmaker gave me the name of someone else.  This man is named Ted.  We talked a few times on the phone.  He seems very even tempered and serene.  He is a doctor, actually an anesthesiologist and has manages chronic pain in his practice.  He is originally from Virginia.  We agreed to meet on Sunday night for Mediterranean.  So, he suggested a place in the borough of West Chester.

It was pouring down rain and I got there first.  It is a very small place so there was no way to have a mix up over the tables and there is no bar.  Phew!  He arrived after I did and I could tell that he was attracted to me.  And, when we were seated he pulled my chair out for me!!!!  That is the very first time that has happened up here.  I was so impressed.  He is about 5'11" and he told me that he weighs 180 pounds.  There is no way.  I'm sorry.  He weighs more than that.  He has blue eyes and wears rimless glasses.  He has salt-n-pepper hair and lots of it.  I was attracted to him too.

He asked me a lot of questions and it's fair to say that I did a lot of the talking.  He mostly wanted to know about my travels in Europe.  He told me that he had recently gone to Burma with his friend who is Burmese to take pictures.  Photography is his passion.  He also shared with me that after he got out of high school, he flew to France with his bicycle and explored for a month or two.  My kind of guy!

He is living in Broomall now and is not yet divorced.  He has been separated for 2 years and the signing of the papers is the next step.  He did not seem to be broken hearted at all.  He has been with the matchmaker for 8 months now.  Seems like a long time to me to not have met anyone.

He paid for the bill and we sat there talking for a while.  I found it odd that he left the bill open.  You know how they bring you the bill in the plastic puffy folder?  He paid it with his card, the waiter brought it back and then Ted never closed it.  I didn't look at it because I thought that would be rude.  Maybe he wanted me to see it?  I'm not sure what to make of that.

Then, he insisted on walking me to my car in the pouring rain.  His umbrella turned inside out when he opened it in the doorway.  It was actually funny.  We fixed it.  So, he had his umbrella and I had mine.  He walked me to the parking lot where my car was and shook my hand and thanked me for a lovely evening.  So, I kind of tugged on his hand a little bit and went to give him a hug.  He hugged me back like they do in the UK (they put their cheek next to yours and then sort of kiss the air).  So, he never actually kissed my cheek.  Now, I could have put him in my car and driven him to his car, but I decided against that.  I don't know the whole thing was really awkward and I told him to call me.

So, I'm really not sure what to make of this.  It seems like if he liked me, he would have kissed me bye.  Not like a big kiss.  But, just like a little quick closed mouth kiss on the cheek or the lips?  But, then he was very very polite and maybe he thought that a kiss on the first date is too forward.

He did do another thing which I thought was very sweet.  My bracelet which was on my right hand got hung on my sweater on my left forearm at one point.  I said, "Oh, I'm hung up here" and kind of laughed.  He was very fast trying to help me.  I actually undid it myself, but he was really wanting to be helpful.

Crybaby Mike

So, you may remember Mike from 2 posts ago.  Refresher:  he's the one that didn't call on Easter and called the matchmaker to whine about how I'm not interested.  Fast forward:  Well, crybaby Mike called me a few times over the week and we had interesting discussions and agreed to meet on Saturday.  He SAID he had to work on Saturday until 1pm.  And, I had a church function at 5:45.  So, he suggested 2:30 at Maggiano's in King of Prussia.  Ok. 

So, Saturday, I went to Ulta and bought some new makeup.  Then, I went to the beauty shop and had my hair done.  I came home and got all dolled up for the 2:30 meeting.  Even put on my eyelashes.  lol. 

So, I get to Maggiano's at 2:30.  No crybaby.  So, after 5 minutes or so, I went to the maitre d' and explained that my name is Ginger and I am meeting someone named Mike who isn't here yet.  Please go ahead and seat me and when Mike comes in, please show him to my table.  Now, I ask you dear readers, is there anything wrong with this? 

I go to my table and order a glass of wine.  2:45 no crybaby Mike.  At, 3pm still no Mike.  So, I paid for my wine and left.  Now, dear readers, in the real world (without matchmaker), I would have left at 2:45.  But, since this was the matchmaker I decided to wait.  I say this because my time is valuable to me.  If someone is going to be late then I expect some sort of communication after 10-15 mins.  So, I immediately called her and left her a voice mail explaining that Mike was a no-show.  She checks her voice mail regularly.

At 4:20pm crybaby Mike calls me.  I took his call and you could have knocked me over with a feather.  This guy started screaming and yelling at me.  "Where were you?  Jill is going to kick me out of the club now because of you!  Jill told me I am unreliable!! blah blah blah."  I sat there and I listened to him.  He explained that he left his phone at home.  He was half way down the turnpike before he realized it and wasn't going to go back.  I said nothing.  Just listened.  And, then he hung himself.  He said that he was late because he was watching the Yankee's game.  hmmmm.  My jaw dropped at the nerve of this guy.  Oh, and he said that he was there at 2:45 sitting in the bar.  I asked him why he didn't go to the maitre d' and ask for me?  He said that he would NEVER go to the maitre d', NEVER and that he had never had a women get a table on him before.  So, when he stopped, I said, "I really don't know what to tell you.  Maybe next time you have a date you should bring your phone in case you're running late or something?"  He proceeded to scream some more and said, "LOOK!  I'M SORRY AND I CAN PUT MY HEAD ON THE PILLOW AT NIGHT KNOWING I'VE DONE THE RIGHT THING.  GOOD LUCK TO YOU!"  I said, thank you and hung up.  Of course, all this leaves me asking , "Oh no!  He didn't!!"  Called Jill, the matchmaker and left another voice mail saying what had happened. 

She ended up calling me.  She went through the whole story about his phone.  She told me that I should wait 45 minutes for my dates.  This is just not going to happen without some sort of text/phone call.  I understand that people get caught in traffic or are running late, but they need to text/call.  This is just common courtesy.  She told me that she was very angry with him and called him and demanded that he apologize to me.  So, I proceeded to tell her that he did not apologize.  He said the words "I'm sorry" but they were hardly sincere.  She agreed that he should have taken responsibility for his actions.  She also confronted him and said, "Mike, I don't know if you are seeing someone outside of my service, but you can't treat my clients this way.  This makes me look bad and Ginger is a new client."  She said that she will call me on Monday with a new match.

We are going to have to talk about physical appearance.  Crybaby was apparently 6 feet tall and told me he weighs 180 pounds.  Now, that's just scrawny in my book.  That's just a big old bag of bones.  No meat.  Brrrrr.

Robert

So, I had a "lunch" date with Robert last night from IJL.  I knew very little about him.  She told me a few things but I have had so much going on I honestly could not remember a thing.  It turns out that my BFF works down the street from Sullivan's where we were set to meet.  So, after work she met me for an hour or so at the restaurant before he got there. 

Turns out that Robert lives in Jersey now and grew up in south Philly.  I'm guessing that south Philly might be a blue collar neighborhood?  Not sure.  He is the first in his family to graduate college and he went to Villanova.  He basically does the same thing that the Richard Gere character does in the movie "Pretty Woman".  He says that his is on a much smaller scale.  The company that he is grooming at the moment is in environmental engineering.

He had a little bit of a bad boy edge to his looks, sort of mob like.  I think because he closely resembles the "Christopher" character on The Sopranos.  Maybe that's because his hair cut is exactly like that?  He is a little bit on the thin side.  He's 49. And, he is very intense (rut-roh- I seem to be intrigued by characters like that).  He also has 3 children but his are teenagers.  2 girls and 1 boy.  He really was a captivating man.  I honestly have to say that he is one of the most interesting people I've met up here.  I really did enjoy his company.  He seems like someone that I would really respect as a man.

There was only one "OH NO, HE DIDN'T!!" moment.  Sit back boys and girls, because you will chuckle.  None of us can forget the frantic gum chewer a few months ago.  Well, Robert was chewing gum albeit controllable.  So, when our Caesar salad came, he took the gum out of his mouth and set it on the appetizer saucer/plate.  EWWWWW.    We had been having such a nice conversation and I just couldn't eat my meal with that sitting there.  And, I really didn't want this guy to blow it right then and there.  So, it just popped out of my mouth before I knew what I was thinking, "Uh-uh.  Don't do that.  Please dispose of that properly."  After it came out I was embarrassed I said it.  So, he looks at his napkin which is cloth (upscale restaurant), goes to put it in his pocket and then decides to leave the table.  So, he left and I thought, "Well, I've probably pissed him off and he's going to just walk out of the restaurant and not come back after that."  But, he threw it away and came back.  lol

BFF walked by our table after he arrived and checked him out.  She said that he will definitely call me and that he likes me.  When I asked her how she knows this, she told me that if he weren't interested in me he wouldn't have picked up the tab for dinner.  I said, really?  I would think he would do that anyway.  She told me, "not the guys up here".  So, I'm wondering why just the hug at the end of the evening?  She thinks he was trying to be a gentleman.  She said that he was giddy when she saw us.  I didn't really see that, but ok.

He did send me a text after I got home and told me that it was nice talking to me.  So, we'll see.  Here's a copy of my feedback to Lisa:

> How long your date was? from 6:30-8:30
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> What did you like about him/her? I really liked that he is tall and attractive.  Love the blue eyes.

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> What are three positive things about your match?
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1. Robert is a very intelligent and savvy man.
2. Robert is very interesting to talk to.
3. He is very family oriented.
   

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> What interests did you have in common?  We come from similar backgrounds and have similar achievements.  We have a lot of the same philosophies in life.  We both seem to be on the same page spiritually.  We both have 3 children.  We both left our ex-spouses.
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> What was your first impression?  He was very friendly and smiled a lot.  He seems like a very nice man.
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> How did the date end?  He walked me to my car and hugged me good-bye.
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> Did you exchange numbers?  Yes.
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> Do you plan on seeing him/her again? If “no” please list reasons why?  I would love to see Robert again.  I'm not sure he feels the same way about me?  But, I thoroughly enjoyed his company and he was a 'quality' gentleman.
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> What can we focus on for your next match?  I think if we keep heading down this path we'll do just fine.  It would be nice if he were closer geographically.  But, it is more important to meet someone of quality.  He is by far one of the more interesting people I have met since I moved to the northeast.  Keep up the good work! 

Matchmaker Again

Well she called me back while I was in Memphis saying that she'd like to meet me.  I explained that I was out of town with my Mother's passing but would be happy to talk to her when I get back.  So, one day last week I drove out to the middle of nowhere and we talked.  I was expecting a little old lady that looks kinda of like Dame Edna.  Instead, she was around my age and very thin.  I will remind you that she was the one that told me she could not work with me because no one was in her database that was tall enough or would drive out to Downingtown or wanted to see someone with children.  All that changed apparently.  So, we talked for about an hour and a half.  The next day she calls me with information for "Mike".  I have completely forgotten what all she said about him by now.  But, anyway he called me and we talked for about 45 mins.  It was all good and I told him that I was available to meet on Monday 4/9.  He said "Great, I'll call you Sunday night." 

Sunday night came and went.  No call.  So Monday I called matchmaker and said I didn't think it was going to work out since he didn't call me.  She must've called him and told him to call.  So, he calls Monday night (the night we are supposed to be meeting).

Ok.  I am not impressed.  He said that "He forgot" and then he told me that he has relatives in West Memphis and that they are Italian but doesn't know their name.  Ummmmm.  So, he asks about my availability this week and I said, "I told you I was available tonight."  Blah blah blah.  So, I said my next available night is Thursday.  He is on a bowling league and bowls on Thursday evenings.  Ok.  So, he doesn't really follow up.  He doesn't ask me anything else.  So, we got off the phone.

He calls matchmaker this morning (Tuesday) whining about how I'm not really interested and I've got this going on and that going on and I'm just not available.  So, she calls me all upset because his feelings are hurt and I didn't jump through hoops because he finally called.  I said, "Look, I told him I was available Monday night and he's the one that didn't call.  He dropped the ball not me."  Apparently, men pay more for her services than the women.  So, we've got to keep him happy.  So, I'm supposed to call him and tell him of my availability this weekend even though he never asked.  So, I did.  I left him a voice mail and said that I am available Saturday for lunch.  I have a church function Saturday evening but if he would like to meet for lunch that would be great just give me a call back or text. 

We'll see.  I'm still not impressed.  I told matchmaker that I just didn't think he is reliable since "he forgot" and he's really not all that interested or else he would have "remembered".  I don't like it when I feel like I am forgotten about.  And, I told her, I am not comfortable calling him but I will this one time since she insisted.  I expect the man to call me.  Period.  I do NOT chase men.

It's Just Lunch

On February 13, I went on ahead and joined the IJL.  It turns out that the membership director is from West Memphis.  She moved there after high school and her Mom owned Sharon's lounge.  She is now in Ohio but it was nice to reminisce about the big town. 

She had her heart set on me meeting this person named "Lon".  It just didn't happen.  Here is the email that I sent to her:

Lisa and Catherine,

I just wanted to address a concern that I have regarding my membership at "It's Just Lunch".
I joined on Feb 13, and was supposed to have my first lunch date on March 2. 
Unfortunately, that has fallen through (documented 2 times, but in actuality this is the 4th time). 
Because I share 50% custody of my children
with my ex-husband, I am only available every other week.  If we do not arrange for a
lunch date this week (Feb 27-March 3), then my next available week will be March 12-17.
This would put an entire month behind me once joining and before going on my first date.

I guess I don't understand why if Lon has to reschedule that we can't get someone else
for this week/ weekend?  Realizing that it is Tuesday, I think it's possible.  I'm not tied to
Lon am I?  Surely there is someone that we can fit in before the Lon date?

I can't help but feel that I have fallen through the cracks, so to speak or put on the back burner.

Thanks so much,
Ginger

So, she called on Wed night and told me that my first lunch date would be with Mike on Sunday at noon.  I will spare you all the details and forward you the feedback that I gave Lisa and Catherine.  This is my response to Lisa's email asking for feedback:

Meeting: Mike and Ginger

3/4 @ 12pm 

Brickside Grille

540 Wellington Square
Exton, PA 19341

 (610) 321-1600

We are so excited for you to meet them and hope you have a great time!

When you get there, as a reminder, check in with the Hostess and they will take you to your table.   If you are running late or need to cancel at the last minute, please call ahead to the restaurant!

Feedback is very important to our IJL dating process so please don’t forget to email me with your feedback. These are the areas we would like you to focus on when you send your feedback:

1. How long your date was? 1.5 hours

 

2. What did you like about him/her?  He has nice thick hair.

3. What are three positive things about your match?

a.  He has really nice thick hair.
b.  He was a nice conversationalist.
c.  He had a nice complexion.

 

4. What interests did you have in common?

a.  We both read a lot of non-fiction.
b.  We both have daughters.
c.  We both like older homes.
 

 

5. What was your first impression?

I had a very positive first impression.

6. How did the date end?

 

He went to the bathroom and came back to the table.  We walked outside (he did NOT open the door for me).  He gave me a very loose hug like you do your Mom or Aunt.  He walked to his car and I walked to mine.  I did not see his car as he parked a great deal away.

7. Did you exchange numbers?

He did not ask for my number.  So, no we did not exchange numbers.

8. Do you plan on seeing him/her again? If “no” please list reasons why?

No.  There's just no way to sugar coat this.  Mike is a cheapskate.  He ordered ala carte instead of the Sunday buffet stating that it was "overwhelming".  He was hesitant to even order ala carte stating that he had already eaten.  And, he talked a lot about how he saved money installing his hardwood floors by having the shop teacher at school do it.  Now, I know times are hard and all, but seriously.  When he shared with me how he takes his daughter on excursions with his metal detector it became apparent to me that we have a different lifestyle. 

Also, it is worth mentioning Mike's eating habits.  I'm pretty sure that he has dentures.  If not, then he has a serious eating issue.  It was like watching a horse eat a carrot.  All teeth.  And, then he stuck his index finger in his mouth to dig something out of the side between his cheek and upper teeth.  Ewwww.  He was eating scrambled eggs.

For the entire lunch date, Mike sat with his back against the wall of the booth with one arm across the back of the seat and the other arm spread out on the table as if between me and him (not sure if that makes sense).  He had his right leg bent on the seat.  His body language was very guarded and his body did not face me once during the date.  He was very awkward in this way as he sat catty-corner to me the entire time.

9. What can we focus on for your next match?

I think maybe someone a little taller.  Mike is a very petite man with little hands and short arms.  Also, I make it a personal policy to not go out with men who make less money than me.  I have had very bad experiences with this in my single life.  Men are very competitive by nature and it just doesn't work.  Also, I tend to be attracted to more generous men.  Stingy men are just a deal breaker for me.  And, manners (open the door for crying out loud, chew with your mouth closed, etc) are a must.

Sweet Beginnings

I'm not feeling particularly loved right now.  I think I was already down a little bit when that matchmaker called me AGAIN.  She just wanted me to know that she is allied with Premier Match and they both checked their databases and there is just no one interested in driving out to Downingtown.  Then, she had to throw in that none of her clients want to date anyone with small children or anyone as tall as me.  Jeesh.  I could have lived without this information.  I'm sorry but this was smeared in my face the first call and now she has to take her foot and stomp it in.  I mean, I appreciate the honesty and all.  But, talk about harsh.  Jeesh.

Oh, but she is going to advertise in West Chester next week and she'll keep me in mind.  I said, Gee thanks.

More on matchmakers....

My friend told me about a matchmaker in this area that I should call before investing a chunk of money into "It's Just Lunch".  So, I called on Saturday and left her a voice mail.  She's called me back several times and we keep missing each other.  Finally, we caught up with each other just before lunch today.  She's been doing this for 27 years and charges $200.  She works closely with a company called Premier Match and they share databases.  They are an alliance but PM charges a whole lot more.  So, I asked her a few questions and she told me that they have about 500 people in the database and there is a shortage of women my age.  Ok.  So, once she started talking to me and asking about me, she turned me down as a client. 

She told me I am too tall.  Most of the men in her database are 5'10".  She said, "Girls your height always want a man over 6 feet."  Then, she told me that I live too far out.  Most of her clients would not drive out to Downingtown.  Then, she told me that 3 children is too much.  She said that most of her clients request someone with grown children or if they have a dependent child at home, there should only be one.

I really couldn't believe it.  On the one hand I appreciate her honesty.  However, I find it really difficult to swallow all that she said.  I know for a fact that my friend used her and she lives in Downingtown.  She's not as tall as me, granted.  But, still.  It was really bizarre because this woman had left me about 5 voice mails from Saturday till Monday lunch.  VERY long and detailed vm's about how she needed women, etc.  I felt so......hopeless.